From baby to beauty

My youngest just turned 7 years old this month. CRAZY
My baby is getting older….

So this is all about my Avary..

The best accident that ever happened to me.
Oh she is a handful… two maybe.
So easy to fall in love with!!!

This little sweetheart..

The light that leads my darkness…. She is my savior, my heart.

Not sure if you believe in miracles…. She is mine.
Not sure if you believe in reincarnation… She is my sister.

We are connected in a different way than most mother/daughter – very hard to explain, but we knew each other before this life, and I’m almost positive I knew her in this life, before she was born.

Crazy…huh?

I must share some pictures of cuteness…. it’s ok… You can “awe”.

She is just growing up so darn fast….

And so the years past… my little girl is growing up. I have to admit… don’t tell no one, but I sure do miss those days before she could walk. When she was in my arms, and staring at me like I was her world.

I am so grateful for her. For her smile, her hugs and kisses.

Now she is 7 years old, and some days I feel like she is a teenager. One day I will have to let go, but not yet….

SNOW day

Glorious Snow Day…..

Here we are.. day 7, I’m trying to write with what’s left of my sanity. True story.

I asked for it. Like, truly ask for it. I begged the snow gods for snow. I wanted a couple days to sleep in. As you can see, I got it.

Yes sir-ree, I got it 3 fold.

Now I have to admit, I have enjoyed sleeping in. Yes. Enjoying it tremendously! But my house is wrecked! No matter how many times I clean it… I walk away and BAM!.. it’s like I was never in the room. I must be hallucinating that I’m doing my chores, cause you sure can’t tell I’ve lifted a finger.

So I just use the whole breathe in, breathe out method. I also hide. Hiding is good.

Really…. Really.

I sure hope so. This has been the longest week of my life. There is only so much you can do before these children get bored, and when they get bored… that’s when the fighting, yelling, punching, kicking, spitting “holy hell is this my life” moments begins.

I hide….. (don’t worry I get involved when one starts bleeding)

But seriously… I love those little terrors more than life itself. They are my world.

But this momma is so ready for this Snow Day to be over, (I’m running out of crafts) and I promise to never wish for snow again…

Nothing seen, Nothing shown

Another poem I wrote after the accident….1998
I don’t usually write in rhyme, but it was just how it flowed. This poem was published in 1999, in “Poetry around the world”, something like that. It’s been a long time. But thought I would share.

I’m laying here, I’m all alone.
Nothing seen, Nothing shown.
A memory of you passes my eye
I blink, as I try not to cry.
I think of us, as I try to sleep,
All our memories that I keep.

A man put himself behind the wheel
With a drink, he’s made of steel
Did he think a life he could end?
Not one, two, both my best friends.

All I do is think of the past
Hoping my memories always last
This man took away half of my heart
A pain in which I will never part.

I’m laying here, I’m all alone
Nothing seen, Nothing shown.
God sent for them, a choice to make
Even though it was by mistake.
I wipe a tear away from my eye.
Now I sleep, I’ve said goodbye.

Masquerade

Today, I think I’ll be myself.
No mask.

There is no one around… I’m alone.

I can look at old pictures, I can cry.
I can read old letters, I can laugh.
I can let go of my feelings,
Ones I’ve been holding back.

I will think of the accident…
I will get angry.
I let everything go.
I allow the tears to fall.

There’s a knock at the door…

I wipe the tears.
Put away my pictures and letters.
Put away my feelings.
Find my mask.

And let the masquerade begin….

Bobbi Jo Berwick 1997

I wrote this along time ago. After the loss of my brother and sister. I felt so alone, even though I was constantly around people that loved me.

I don’t share my poetry, not anymore. I’m not proud of my writing these days. But I am going to start again. A little bit here and there. So here’s the perfect spot to start.

If I only knew…

It’s a bad day.
I am sitting here in utter pain, out of meds for four days. Those that know what I’m going through….. Yes 4 days.

I’m sitting here reading some old poetry I wrote between the ages of 10-21 years old. It’s funny how dramatic life was at 14 years old!

If only I knew……
If I only knew my dreams would fade…..

When I was young, before I was a teenager, I thought life was bad. I went through more than any child could go through. I hid my pain. I hid my tears. I was a mess.

But… I had dreams, I had hope, I knew that the pain would end.

Boy was I wrong.
I was sooo wrong.
If I only knew.

Now I see so much of me in my son and daughter. I see the pain. I thought giving them love, and stability…. well I thought it wouldn’t carry to them.

I was wrong.
If I only knew.

I daydream a lot.  I mean a l o t……
I play parts when something needs to be done.
But it helps, at least for a little while.

If I only knew….
If I knew it would be this hard….

It’s a bad day. It’s a 10 day… if I only knew how do just deal.

If I only knew….

Photos of Love…. Where my heart lies.

I’m going to share my own love…. my children.

I am so blessed to have these beautiful specimens as my children. They are all so different. Not one is like the other.

My oldest..

Now I may have not given birth to this beauty, but I have raised her for over a decade. She is me… poor thing acts just like me, you would never guess she isn’t mine.

There may be times I could strangle her…. oh the teenage years…… but I’m proud of the woman she is becoming.

Then we have my boy. So shy… yet way to out spoken. He is something else. I was told at 14 years old I could not carry children. At 31, after a long, high risk, in bed pregnancy… I gave birth to this Angel. Oh what a feeling…. to have something I was told was impossible.

This child is a handful! Maybe if he knew he almost killed me giving birth to him… he would be nicer…. Yea right, “he’s just a boy”…. that’s what they tell me!

So after years of being told I couldn’t carry a child, (There were medical reasons, but I’m sure you don’t want to hear.) I gave birth to my “miracle”. I was happy.

When my little man was 8 weeks old, we found yet that I was yet again pregnant. Oh I cried for 2 days straight. I was beyond scared. I almost died giving birth 2 months earlier.

No worries…perfect pregnancy… perfect baby girl.

That brings us to my youngest….

She was not a cute newborn, I wondered what happened… well friends, remember the whole “ugly duckling” story…. that’s my baby. What a cutie she’s turned out to be! …. with a heart of gold!

Not a shy bone in this little girls body! My mini me!

I have been blessed….