Photos in the night

Recently, while on vacation I took a couple night photos just to play with some settings…. they turned out rather cool…

These will be hanging on my wall…

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And here’s one right at dusk…..

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Sometimes you just get that shot that makes your heart smile.

Broken

I am broken as a person….
I’m not the strong woman I like people to think I am.
I’m tired and weak.

I am broken as a mother….
I have no patience, tolerance or heart.
I’m lost and uncontrollable.

I hate how I let the pain control me…..

There are days I just want to give up… end it all.
Yes it’s sad to think that, to think of all the people I would hurt. I am so tired of living this way, pretending…

I push, and push…. but it’s still not good enough.

I am a wife….. a wife who is in too much pain to love her husband fully.

I am a mother….. who is too tired to spend quality time with her children.

I am a friend….. who is too sad to have a good time.

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Who am I?
What happened?

How did I break so easy?

In a few weeks I will be turning 40…. ahh the dreaded 4 0.
This year has been hard, this birthday.. even harder.

As you may know, this year I went off all my meds. I thought I could handle the pain, anxiety and sadness, I was wrong. But if I go back on the medicines it shows weakness. So many were so proud of me, how can I disappoint them? I seem to be doing that a whole lot lately.

How can I put the pieces back together?
How do I become unbroken?
How do I stop the tears?

2015 Summer Musical – The Wiz

After every musical I get the same feeling… mixed emotions. I’m happy cause it’s over, I’m sad cause it’s over. Let me elaborate.

Musicals are hard. They can leave you exhausted and frustrated. You put everything on hold… life, family, work, those last two weeks of rehearsing and getting the set finished are hard. You give 100% of yourself. There are tears shed, headaches, obstacles and a overwhelming feeling of “Why do I do this to myself?”.

You want to know why? Cause you LOVE it! All the frustration and tears are worth it when you see the faces of those you entertained. You make bonds with people, new friendships, rekindle old friendships.

This year I was the Winged Monkey in our summer musical “The Wiz”. Now I’m not a singer, hardly an actor, yet every year I audition hoping I will just be part of the chorus. And being a part of the chorus is hard. Make up changes, wardrobe changes, memorizing every song… it can tucker you out, let me tell you! This year was different for me, after dress rehearsal I realized (and this was a hard decision) that I couldn’t do my other roles that weren’t the monkey. As an extra/chorus stage time means a lot, but there just wasn’t time. I chose to just be the monkey.

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There I am! I’m kinda a little obsessed with these adorable creatures, and joked for a year that this is the role I wanted… well I got it! And I hope I did the monkey justice.

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Here we all are…. such a talented group to work with.

That brings me to the sad part….

The sad truth is its over. After every show I get the same feeling, happy to get my life back in order… sad that you aren’t going to be with those you have spent so much time getting to know. You become family.

I want to share some memories with you, with some incredibly talented folks….

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These guys.
First, the cowardly lion… love him! I consider him one of my closest comrades. No matter what role he plays, my friend Gilly brings it. He’s just so darn cute isn’t he.
Next, our tin man. This is my third show working with Ben, such a talented young man, and a pleasure to be around. He always makes me smile.
Scarecrow… what can I say about Zac? WoW what a talent! No one could have brought what he did, I will forever see that sparkle in his eyes.
And then there is Renee, if you saw the show you know what I’m about to say….. that voice! She played The Wiz, and she played it well. Gorgeous inside and out.
Last but definitely not least our Dorothy, Alexis. Just the sweetest girl in the world. You would never have guessed this was her first time on stage. I loved watching her rehearse and grow.

Here are just some random pics, on stage and off….

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Glinda…. Erika has that kind of voice that gives you chills… beautiful.

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Addepearle and the munchkins…. aren’t they cute?

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Ozians…

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The Gatekeeper…. she’s a little gullible… but cute as a button!

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Here we got the Winkies, Lord High Underling and the Messenger… Evilenes minions.

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And Evilene, with her crazy monkey. Evilene is the Wicked Witch of the west…. and boy can Rachel be evil… love her!

A little backstage fun….

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When I was a poppy… here with my beautiful friends….

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These ladies…. love them!

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My little munchkin. Our first show together. So proud of her!

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During strike, after the last show with my Cynthia… worked hard…. I need sleep at this point.

I could go on and on about the entire cast, but there is a couple more people want to mention. That is our production and tech crew. They have the hardest job… putting the play together. This play was our director Jana’s dream. Jana is Oz. There is nothing better than seeing dreams come true. But it wouldn’t have happened without her crew… her stage manager Ramona, assistant Holly, lighting design Jim and his crew Rob (my adorable husband), Eben and Rob H., Shane for producing and costumes, Richard on sound, and all the techies who brought the rest together. Gilly who was not only the lion, but the set designer. And the wonderful talented Cynthia with her choreography. Can’t forget our wonderful make up crew.

It takes a village to bring a show like this together. It’s late nights, early mornings… painting, and building. And after five incredibly awesome shows you tear it all down and get ready for the next. It’s bittersweet. It’s a cycle I love to be apart of… fact is I’m proud to be apart of.

Finding Ashe County Little Theatre, was one of the best things in my life. Standing on that stage, hearing the audience, is a feeling I can’t explain… you will never know it, that is unless you have felt it yourself. I love acting, May not be the best, but it brings me so much joy. I am so grateful to call these people family…. well that’s for another blog, another time…..