Parenting…. Ugh

As we get older we respect our parents so much, and are grateful for them not killing us as teenagers.

HELLO lightning bolt!

I can’t say sorry enough to my parents… for frankly, just being an asshole. I see it now being a mother of a teenage girl. (YaY, I get to do it two more times!)

Parenting is hard. Trying to figure out right from wrong on the “right way” of parenting is complicated and frustrating. As mothers and fathers we know we can’t be perfect, but we try so hard to be. We try to do more than our parents did, be better than our parents were, and supply more than our parents did. Even those that had the “Perfect Parents” and say they will be happy being half the parent that their own parents, deep inside still want to be more.

As parents, we are still human. We have flaws. We have anger. We have pain. As much as we say, and try to not show our children our true selves, we can’t always hide who we are. They still see things you wish they hadn’t. You still say things you know you shouldn’t. We are human, we are not perfect.

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So true. I love this quote.

I am flawed. I speak before I think. The whole foot in mouth syndrome, yelp that’s me. Especially when it comes to my children. I wish I could take back 60% of the crap that comes out my mouth. I say something stupid… I feel ashamed… I get mad at myself… then I get mad at everyone else… it’s a vicious cycle.

My biggest fear is that I’m hurting my children, that they think they hate me. I say think cause I know they really don’t. I’m afraid I’m disappointing them, that I am not enough. I’m afraid they will wish they had a different mom. I’m afraid of them feeling that I don’t love them, wishing they knew that is furthest from the truth, that they are my whole world. I am afraid I’m failing them.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels like this, but it sure feels like it sometimes. I just feel alone.

Parenting is hard. Hardest job I’ve ever had. I may not be doing it right, but I’m doing the best I can.

BJ Scott

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