The dreaded 4 0

So in three days I’m turning forty. Yes 40! Where did the years go? I am basically half way dead?

And why is this such a hard birthday? What makes 40 so different?

I’m going to tell you what I think…..
1.  You’ve already lived half your life. It makes me think… what have I done with my life?
2.  If you’re a parent, you see how much your children have grown. When I think about that, I get sad.
3.  You look at your finances…. And you wonder where did it all go? (Some of us anyway)
4.  You look at your friends, you compare yourself.

Now I look at those four things, they are big. Right there…. those are my reasons for living…..

1.  You’ve already lived half your life. 

Yes, I have, and I made it. What have I done with my life? I lived. It’s not the life I pictured after high school, or even college. I never saw myself as a stay at home mom, hell I never saw myself as a mother. I’m not “living the dream”, but I’m happy. I have three beautiful children, a husband that loves me… What more could I ask for? I am breathing, laughing and making memories.

2.  If you’re a parent, you watch your children grow, and get sad.

Yes it makes me sad, sometimes even mad. But it’s also incredible to see what little pieces of you are inside them. That’s probably the best feeling. The older they get and the more I watch them grow, the harder it is. I’m ok with that. For the most part they are happy, healthy and compassionate people… that makes me smile. I’m not doing as bad a job as I may think.

3. Finances…..

Ugh. As a child you don’t realize how stressful money issues are. As an adult it’s a killer. We’ve been up, we’ve been down. But we always make it. We may be broke sometimes, but my kids are fed and clothed, they have a roof over their head, warm beds to sleep in and hugs whenever they need. A lot of children don’t have any of that. If I had more money, I’d help them all.

4.  You look at your friends….

Damn it, I am grateful for those friends! I have the best circle of friends a girl could ask for. They are my family. They are there for me in so many ways… I wish I could do more for them. There are things I compare. Some are more successful, some are better parents, some are prettier, more talented. But does that really matter? Nope.

°°°°So I’m turning forty°°°°

I’m still not happy with it. It’s a big deal right now. But I’ll get over it.