Where would I be without my friends?

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I have the best friends…. I’m sure we all think this…. but in my case it’s true… mine are the best!

I am grateful for those in my life that accept me for all the craziness I bring, all the tears I shed, and for my inability of complete laughter.

I am grateful for those that laugh with me…. even when I’m not being funny.

I am still here cause of their support and helping hand.

Thank you for your friendship.

Why can’t they just leave her alone?

Ok…. I can’t take it anymore…. I promised myself I would not write anything on this whole Caitlin/Bruce Jenner news…

Ha… wrong…. I can’t…. I must say my peace.

I have been reading all the social media posts, read all the comments and just kept on scrolling, no comments, no likes. This is a very hard subject. I would say 80% of what I have been reading just plain and simply pisses me off!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

I’m going to start off by saying I support the LGBT community, so if you don’t, and you aren’t happy with those that do… STOP READING… you’re not going to like this….

This isn’t about right or wrong, this isn’t about any religious beliefs, this is the heart… this is about feelings…

I’m going to tell you a story about a couple very close to me.
            ~I will call her “Kate”. I will call him “Steve”~

Kate’s husband told her a few years ago that he was transgender. That he in fact, felt his whole life that something was wrong and he wasn’t who he was on the outside. Steve opened up. They talked, and cried and got mad. It was a very complicated situation. Very hard on both of them. That night changed both of them.

I can’t imagine what Caitlin, Steve or any other person going through this feels like. I can only try to put myself in their position, but it’s not the same. What would I do if I didn’t feel like a girl? Can you image keeping something that BIG hidden for years? Can you image what that does to a person’s soul? How can they ever be fully happy?

We live in such a cruel world.

The media is stuck on this Caitlin Jenner story. People call it sick and twisted. People say he became a she for attention. They are saying she’s not a hero… Let me tell you something… to that 10 year old little boy or girl who so incredibly lost right now, she is a hero. For those men and women in their thirties who have been living with this their entire lives, she is a hero. Bruce was already in the public eye, as with any celebrity type your life is monitored. After all these years she is finally comfortable in her own skin, she looks on the outside as she feels on the inside.

Is this affecting your life? NO! Unless you are family or a close personal friend, it has no affect on you. Stop reading about her, stop commenting on posts. Stop the ignorance.

It’s hard enough on the families and friends of the person involved, and here we are bashing them. It’s ridiculous. There are children involved, there are broken hearts and families. There is also at some point peace and understanding. I know it’s going to be talked about, written about, and people will say she asked for it by bringing so much attention to it. She brought it to the public cause she is part of it. And in her mind, I’m sure she felt she could help others that are going through what she went through.

I watch Kate and Steve. It’s hard. It’s there, but it’s also still “under the rug”. I think about what Steve may be going through. First admitting to the woman he loves this secret. Second explaining to his kid what he is going through, and third hiding it from the world. I can’t fathom the feeling of finally admitting something that BIG….. just to continue hiding it cause you’re afraid of losing your job, afraid of what will happen to your family, afraid of what your community will think, afraid of losing your spouse. It’s hard on all parties involved. Especially the spouse. What is going through her/his head? The stress it must bring. The heartbreak. The confusion. The hurt. It’s still there…. all while your laughing at a meme that says “Kris is only mad cause Caitlin looks better than her”. What kind of heartless joke do people think this is? Where is peoples compassion? You have no clue what that woman is going through….

My heart is broken…. for the husband, wives, children, families… but more for the ignorance of others.

Unless you’ve been there…. you do not know….

Change

We all talk about it…. probably more than once a day…. how we need to change. How we need to quit something, start something…. change something.

When you get to a certain age you start thinking…. I never did this, or I’ve always wanted to do that. We start things, and of course they never get finished. Whether it’s school, kids, career, a painting, a dyi project, love or just life in general, there is never enough time, money or energy.

Something has to change.

We look around at friends, family and community… and see where we went wrong. “They have a great marriage”, “Their kids are always so behaved”, “Her house is always so clean”, “She’s a better _____ than I’ll ever be”.

Often in our lives we belittle the person we are, the person we’ve become. We pretend to be happy.

There is always someone better, prettier, more talented or more creative than you want yourself to be…… You know what? That’s ok!

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately… want to know why? Because that person above is me.

I have found that lately I have been a pretty big downer… I have turned into a ball of negativity. Yes, me. I have lost myself. I am not who I want to be. I have turned complaining into a hobby. I am the person that I hate to be around.

Something has to change.

I need to stop worrying about what others think.
I need to start living, cause I could be gone tomorrow and have nothing to show for the life I have lived.
I need to start breathing… taking in life and just loving it.
I need to stop pretending… let people see me..
I need to start being a mother. I need to not care if my kids don’t like what I have to say.
I need to open my eyes… take in all this beauty around me and get back to roots.
I need to stop the stress… it’s going to kill me.
I need to get healthy… I don’t want to miss out on watching my children grow.
I need to accept that I can’t change everything.
I need to love, whole heartily, and accept that you can’t change others.

Something has to change.

It’s time to change “me”.