The world’s my stage….but I’m tired

I am so tired…. literally the sleepy, lazy kind. There just aren’t enough hours in the dark.

It’s not that my life is exciting or busy. I’m a stay at home mom. A disabled stay at home if you ask. I cook, clean, do homework, make beds, go on field trips, volunteer at school and with in the community. I enjoy my life, I love my family, but I am just so freakin tired of dealing with one health problem after another. I done with the pain. I try so hard but some days my house can look like the Sanford house. It not only makes me feel terrible, it makes me feel like a loser, and no one likes to feel like that.

I am hardcore involved with our community theatre, it is my home away from home. I feel better on stage than I do anywhere else. Now let me tell you, I’m not the best actress, but I do ok!  We do 4 productions a year and have November-February off. (Winters can get hectic in the mountains) I’ve been pretty active the past few years. If I’m not on stage, I’m painting it. It makes me feel alive, it kills me pain wise but fills my mind with such positivity and emotion that it kinda helps ease the pain. It helps bring me out of my “funk”, and my theater family is beyond awesome! (That’s another blog…one day)

This is also the time of the year I have the biggest love/hate relationship with myself. See I suffer from winter depression, it is also the worst time of year for my arthritis. But on the other hand, I love (and I mean seriously LOVE) the holidays!

But this year it’s different… I’m exhausted, and in more pain than I have ever been. I hate complaining, especially when I am the one doing the complaining. (Another reason for starting this blog…. So I have a place to complain 🙂 

I need a winter activity…. I need something…. I need to be around people…. I don’t want to feel this way any more.

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